The gorilla

I am fat.

I came to this realization some time ago - when I realized that I'd gained 8 pounds a year for 10 years. In 1999 I weighed in the 140's, and in 2009 I topped the scales in the 230's. Like most of you, this stunning realization taken on it's own may not have much of an impact on day-to-day life, especially since I'm not an extraordinary specimen in my peer group.

When researching my boat, I used a lot of different criteria for selecting a design, and one of the important factors was the "power curve" which demonstrates the friction of the boat in the water vs. its speed. This also shows you where hull speed is. A longer boat will have a higher hull speed, the point at which it becomes a lot harder to row.

When comparing different designs, I found that the graphs are dependent on the weight of the rower, and so each boat gets 3 different curves to represent 3 different sized people, small medium and large. Large topped out at about 190, and at 230 I knew I was in danger of sinking or damaging the boat I built. That brings me to my next point.

You are fat (you know who you are).

So I thought some of you might benefit from what I've been going through lately in working to get myself back down to 190. But it's not really about the number for me, because that attitude leads to unhealthy compromises and continued unhealthy choices made for unhappy reasons. I hope that I can convince you of the same.

That brings me to the gorilla. I came up with this philosophy while reading "good night gorilla;" those of you with small children will appreciate the subtle nuances of this book, like the banana, and the balloon, especially if you have the large format version of this book and can see the tiny balloon on some of the later pages.

For this mental exercise the gorilla is hypothetical, literal, and metaphorical, all at the same time. First, the literal. In 2005, a 21 year old gorilla named Brooks died of heart disease, attributable to his "western" diet. Gorillas in a zoo can live over 50 years, so this was a shock to the system for America's zoos. As of today, here is the diet of gorillas at the national zoo:

"The morning diet is generally made up of vegetables, which may include kale, celery, green beans, carrots, and sweet potato. Evening foods include more greens such as romaine, kale, cabbage, or dandelion along with the fruits and vegetables du jour. Bananas, apples, oranges, mango, grapes, melon, and papaya are often included. Onions, broccoli, turnips, white potatoes, squash, cucumbers, and beets are also staples."

There are several reasons for the sea-change in the diet of America's captive gorillas.

• it just seems damned inhumane to be subjecting these creatures to our diet.
• gorillas are expensive capital investments
• captive gorillas are valuable as revenue sources and academic research subjects
• some number of people really like the gorillas they work with for decades at a time
• gorillas have non-linear recurring costs (handlers, space, things like that). Two gorillas aren't twice as expensive as one, so it pays to keep your gorillas around as long as possible.

Nowadays if you were to accidentally drop your fast food bag into the gorilla cage you'd probably be lambasted by the handlers, and they'd need to call a special vet in after the poor gorilla that ate your nasty food was lethargic and unsociable the rest of the day. It would probably be a week before he was back to normal after 30 seconds of happily wolfing down a burger and fries.

Now for the hypothetical gorilla. What would you feed a gorilla if you owned one? Lets say you could make 100K$ a year giving a home to a gorilla so that jane goodall could study how it interacted with your family. It would cost you 50K up front, and a yearly cost of under 20K for food and shelter and vet bills. This is a hell of an investment, and this hypothetical gorilla, much like the real thing, could be an emotionally valuable addition to your family as well. You only get one, so you're hoping it will live into it's 50's, so you can retire comfortably. If you're like me, you're probably thinking that the national zoo diet is looking pretty good for your imaginary friend.

Attention people! To hell with the gorillas! What are we doing to ourselves? We're worth way more than a gorilla. This is about the metaphorical gorilla, it's you. Not even 30, I've got another 30-50 years of working and millions of dollars in earnings still to realize. Even in your old age, you could add years onto your life by eating better, and you'll feel better too. Food isn't the important experience in our lives, and if you believe it is you have mentally abused yourself by not recognizing your own value, to yourself and to others. As a result, you've physically abused yourself with food. You deserve better, and we deserve to keep you around.

For me the spotlight is now on kale and other cruciferous veggies. Kale is the reigning champion of nutrition, with more protein per calorie than sirloin steak. It's also known for being a cancer prevention food, by helping your liver remove toxins, reducing oxidative stress and providing more vitamins than a multivitamin pill. We also know that a compound in Kale binds with digestive bile, preventing you from reabsorbing the bile as cholesterol; over time your cholesterol will go down!

There are lots of ways to eat it, and while I prefer a mustard/kale sandwich, you can find kale chips and kale juice, and last night we made a downright bland mix of Kale and chicken in stock with cabbage, onions and spices. I'm also a fan of carrot juice, this new bread they've got with "ancient grains" and pretty much any other "healthy" food I can find. Try carrot juice. If you can stand it, drink it by the glass. Eat roasted/unsalted peanuts or fruit as a snack. Experiment with smoothies and juices. There's no explicit need to cut out anything from your diet. I think the important thing is to think about what it means to eat something, and what it accomplishes for your body and your long term nutritional goals, instead of mindlessly cramming what might taste good down the hatch while counting calories and endlessly making compromises.

What put me over the edge toward becoming a health nut was a combination of things; biking to work, having a son, starting a garden, building a boat. My mom's recent brush with death at the hands of a duodenal tumor was a big red flag, as is the memory of my Dad's esophageal cancer. We also read the other day about a billionare planning his 125th birthday. I think he'll make it. The crazy thing is that what he eats isn't out of reach for us thousandaires or even those of you who are debt-indentured servants. Or even gorillas. Think about it the next time you put something in your mouth, and maybe some day it will have saved your life, and you won't even notice.